losing control

Our main goal as type 1 diabetics, is to properly manage our blood sugar through means of exercise, food and proper insulin distribution. It is also to monitor our blood sugar throughout the day, and adjust our actions accordingly. In other words, it is to stay in control. 

I think over my years of living with type 1 diabetes, the idea of control has seeped its way in to other aspects of my every day life. I mean, how can it not? We have trained ourselves to incessantly monitor our blood sugar, to ensure that we are perfectly in range. After all, our health relies on this unwavering control. 

Well, now I feel the need to be in control of all situations. I think it all stems from the idea of being safe. I feel like I need to be mentally and physically prepared for all types of endeavours. That way I know I have everything I need, I know that I am properly fuelled and that everything is well within my control. 

The other day, I was out on a bike ride with my boyfriend and we had a route all planned out. It was one we had done many times, so I was confident that I would be able to manage my energy and blood sugar throughout the ride. I had brought snacks and drinks for that specific ride. I was good, safe, sure, and in control. 

Well, my boyfriend being the adventurous person he is, wanted to change up the route. I reluctantly agreed to follow along. We started to ride up the “Montee de Peisey Nancroix”. Ok, 12 km climb, not so bad. I had done climbs similar to this one before. However, the difference was that I knew what I was getting myself into. I had prepared for those long, hard climbs before doing them. My blood sugar was stable, I had brought the reinforcements needed. I was prepared.

This time, not so much. The first km of the ride, was between 10-12% which is f**ing steep. I lost it. I stopped and said there is no way I am going to be able to ride all the way up there at this percentage. Both me and my boyfriend are too stubborn to know that was really the case. So, I took a minute, I looked at the map, I reassured myself that if anything were to go sideways, I could just turn around. I actually was fully prepared. Just physically, not mentally. But everything was under my full control. 

So we climb and climb, and we end up in one of the most beautiful valleys I have ever cycled, in France. It was vast, green, quiet. I could even see the glacier that we have skied on so many times. It was spectacular. 

Diabetes is a lot of work. It requires a lot of thinking and planning and well, controlling but we don’t have to let it take away the joy of adventure. 

Now, we can’t decide to go set off for weeks on end in the jungle, or camping out in the mountains. We do have some restrictions. But we shouldn’t let the fear of losing control, dictate what we can and can’t do. 

Go, be adventurous. 

You are in control. 

Your diabuddy,

Camille